Skills and Practices (Public)

Beginner’s mind is a new way to experience learning. It invites you to pretend that you know nothing about the topic and open yourself to the possibility that by doing so, you can learn more deeply.

Curiosity alone is the antidote to tightly held beliefs, and curiosity will make you want to know the other person more deeply.

Remember that your beliefs may or may not be true. If your beliefs are different from the other’s, that difference alone is a barrier to connection.

Adopt a practice of daily meditation. Don’t expect quick results. It can be very frustrating, and at times you may feel like giving up; but just stick with it.

Don’t hide from or avoid the pain of waking up by taking a spiritual bypass. It doesn’t work and it’s a waste of precious time and energy.

Use every means available to know yourself more deeply, to know your beliefs, your shadows and defenses. Take assessments, sit in circle with others, get counseling or coaching, journal and look deeply into the mirror of who you are.

Vulnerability is a powerful sword with two sharp edges. It can cut through defenses like a warm knife through butter, or it can cut your arm off and destroy the budding relationship by providing too much information too quickly.

You can’t kill your shadows, but you can integrate them by inviting them into the light.
Remember, it is highly likely that those around you can see the shadows you don’t see.

Listening deeply is “witnessing” the other and seeing the other without judgment. This is truly a form of blessing and contributes to authentic connection.

Notice what is going on inside you. Are you triggered? Are you on the Victim Triangle? Are you listening deeply?
Noticing is the essential key that opens the lock of self-awareness.

This advice is especially important for extroverts who need to be seen. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself, “What is my intention?” Do a quick body scan and see if there is a signal in your body that correlates with needing attention. If that signal is present, probably better to zip your lip.

Develop a habit of using the Pattern Interrupt. When you can notice that a pattern is about to trigger a defensive response, choose a different response...one more in line with who you are, your vision, mission and purpose.

No blaming - take responsibility for your choices and their consequences.

If you are triggered by someone else, it’s typically your projection of some wound you took on as a child. Look deeply into your past to discover what belief about yourself that doesn’t serve you is still driving you. Own it and clean it up.

Develop awareness of your defenses and what triggers them. Learn to drop them if and when you want to connect. Defenses are often boundaries that have been set unconsciously.

This is required for others to truly accept you as you are. It’s called self-compassion and it may be your hardest challenge.

Form is just the wrapping paper. Substance is the gift hidden beneath the wrapping. Focus not on the wrapping, but on the gift, no matter what its form.

Expressing gratitude builds deeper connection with yourself and with others.

Take ownership of your mistakes (Oops). Be vulnerable and let someone know they have touched a tender spot (Ouch) and be free with your compliments (Wow!) when someone does something that demonstrates deep connection skills.

Failure is an excellent teacher. Learn to welcome and embrace its lessons.

Use I-Statements as a way of taking responsibility for your words.

Stretch your comfort zone and learn to explore the learning zone. It's much more interesting and fun.

This is a simple practice that will help you become more mindful, Simply notice what is going on inside you or outside of you. and make a choice. You are free to make any choice you want and every choice has a consequence. Even not choosing is a choice.

Using this practice, you be able to notice the impact of your choices on yourself and on others. This gives you the power to make different and perhaps better choices. It's completely up to you.

Next time you go to a restaurant for a meal, make it a point to ask your waiter's name. Notice their reaction. Address them by their name.  You may learn something amazing about this person.

You don't have to impress anybody, and it doesn't work anyway. Just be yourself; Everybody else is taken.