How Personal Coaching Can Help
Socrates, a famous Greek philosopher said over 2000 years ago, “The unexamined life is not worth living“. This was (and still is) a pretty bold statement, but it begs the question, how deeply have you examined your own life:
- Are there parts of you that you have been reluctant to look at?
- Are there parts of yourself that you aren’t even aware exist?
- Is it possible that you have beliefs about yourself that keep you from being the wonderful person you were born to be? How well have you done at truly knowing yourself?
Many people decide not to look into the mirror of their own life. You are clearly not one of these people or you would not be reading these words, so here is how personal coaching can help you on this journey.
Coaching can help you see yourself from a different perspective. Your coach can watch you deal with your life’s constant flow of challenges, both big and small. He can observe what is going on from an objective perspective.
Coaches draw your wisdom from within you rather than telling you what they want you to hear.
A Certified Clear Beliefs coach can help you identify and replace limiting beliefs. I know this may sound a bit strange, but I have seen it work on others and even on me. The essential elements in changing beliefs is to reaffirm the new belief and anchor the feeling of having that belief daily until it can stand on its own.
A coach can challenge you to step outside your comfort zone and explore new worlds.
A coach can help you build self-confidence and better social skills.
A coach trained in Voice Dialog can help you identify and transform your sub-personas.
Regardless of what stares back at you in the mirror, you are far more complex than you can imagine.
My Coaching Style
My coaching practice is a reflection of who I am as a human being. Here are some of the things that influence my coaching style:
- Compassionate Curiosity – I am deeply curious about who you are, what drives you and what gets in your way.
- Deep Listening – When I listen to you, I am paying attention to what you say, how you say it, whether you are speaking from your head or your body, your body language and even what is going on around you.
- Your Beliefs – What you believe frames how you live your life, and even how you show up as a coaching client. I want to draw you out and help you discover what beliefs serve or hinder you and what beliefs you are not even aware of.
- Your Family of Origin – Since many (if not most) of your limiting beliefs were created when you were a young child and were given to you by your parents, your siblings, your friends, your teachers and the religious and cultural beliefs of the people around you, it helps our coaching work to know as much as I can about where you came from and what formed you.
- My Intuition – As I listen to you, I will get intuitive hunches about what is really going on or how to communicate more effectively with you. My intuition is not always spot on, but it is usually pretty close.
- No Judging – This is very important. If I form judgments about you, some part of you may sense that I am judging you, feel less safe and less trusting and pull away. When judgment includes a trigger (an emotional reaction), it has become a defense mechanism called Projection which is a a real connection buster. Fortunately, I have done enough of my own work that I can usually spot when I am triggered and own it.
- Emotionally Present (empathy), Compassionately Detached (boundaries) – I can be quite empathic and actually feel some form of what you are feeling in the moment; however, I recognize that these are your feelings, not mine. I also make sure to notice my own inner process and make sure that I am not getting hooked in any way by your feelings or story.
- Direct – I don’t beat around the bush. I speak my mind directly.
- I-Statements – I speak about myself using I-Statements, and I expect you to do the same. This has the effect of our taking emotional responsibility for what we are saying.
- My Life Experience – I was born in 1946 and am now in my 70’s. I have been around the block several times, so I have a fair bit of life experience to draw on. I am also quite aware that there are many life experiences that you may have had that are completely alien to me.
Coaching MKP Warrior Brothers
Serving Men I Know and Love
One of the critical failings that so many coaches have is not being able to identify their target audience. My focus for the last two decades has been teaching men who graduated from The Mankind Project’s New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) how to “sit in circle” with each other and go deep. I have been both teaching groups of men and facilitating individual men’s processes for that entire time. This makes me fairly aware of what skills are present in most I-Groups, and what value I can bring to men sitting in I-Groups by simply showing up periodically and showing them some tools and techniques they are probably not aware of. Here is a simple example.
Although I have driven many thousands of miles in the last 20 years to attend I-Groups, the advent of Covid-19 has made it possible for me to visit I-Groups I could never have reached before without leaving my home. In the past eight months, I have visited I-Groups all over British Columbia and Alberta and reach and coach men as far away as Australia. Hence, my ideal clients are MKP Warrior Brothers who sit in Zoom-based I-groups and want to go deeper than they can go in their I-Group.
In I-groups, we teach a process called “Bucketing” which is intended to help a man get in touch with the energy that is showing up now in some troubling way. We ask a few questions that are an attempt to get the man to feel his feelings and eventually identify the source of those feelings. This works OK in many circumstances, but we never teach them the theory behind Bucketing and how to tell in some objective way whether the energy is being relieved or intensified and what to do in either case.
The training I have received has made it possible for me to help a man who felt like he had a 10 pound lead ball in his stomach that was so painful that he was ready to go to the Emergency Room. Using the tools and techniques in my new, updated tool kit, I was a able to help him remove that pain completely in about 20 minutes.
Are you ready to grow up?
Are you ready to grow up and be a healthy, happy, balanced adult? These may sound like harsh words, but you would not be reading them if a part of you doesn’t hunger to be a better person. This short video lays out five important choices you can make that will help you grow up.
- Are you ready to take control of your life?
- Are you ready to take responsibility for your choices?
- Have you learned to contain your emotions?
- Can you put the speed bumps of your life in perspective?
- Are you able to deeply understand the feelings and intentions of others?
Watch this video to learn more about these questions.
The Three Phases of Personal Coaching
- Waking up – Recognizing that a part of you has been asleep, unconscious, reactive and childish is the first step in the Hero’s Journey of life. Not everybody is ready to take this step, and many people are not ready to wake up. Are you? And are you ready to take the next step? Learn more ==>
- Growing up – This is the hard work that Doctor Steven Marmer describes in this video. His words may sound harsh, but they are simply direct. He is telling you how life is. Growing work is the challenge that every hero faces. It is tough work. Are you ready to dive in the deep end? Learn more ==>
- Showing up is your victory dance. It is your opportunity to step into your magnificence and show the world the unique gift you have become. Sometimes this comes late in life. For too many people, showing up happens prematurely, before they are ready. This can be a costly mistake, but mistakes are how most people learn. It is at the heart of growing up. Learn more ==>
So are you ready to jump in and continue your journey? Notice that I said “continue” rather than “begin”. That is because you have already begun that journey or you wouldn’t be reading these words.
What is personal coaching?
Learn how to live fully
Everybody’s life includes some speed bumps. Most of these are minor and can be navigated easily. Some, however, may feel like you just fell into a giant sink hole. When this happens, you may need some help getting out of the hole you have fallen into. This is when you most need a personal coach who can help you climb out.
Not all problems in life are as dramatic as being swallowed up by Mother Earth. Even though the problems you face may feel overwhelming, good coaching can help you deal with them more effectively. Sometimes all it takes is a shift in perspective. Other times, your coach can ask you the questions that will help you draw on your own wisdom and see the issue more clearly.
Personal Coaching is a structured way of helping you examine your life and discover what you can change. Your coach will ask you lot of questions, many of them deep and probing, but all designed to deepen your self-awareness. Sometimes you will see some aspects of yourself that you have been hiding, repressing or denying because you don’t want to acknowledge these parts of yourself. This may be painful, but the pain usually goes away if you can fully experience it for only a short while.
Personal coaching involves:
- Listening deeply to you
- Being compassionately curious about your life
- Asking you deep and probing questions
- Helping you see yourself from a different perspective
- Giving you effective feedback
How does coaching work?
When something happens in your life that is scary or painful, your natural instinct will be to want the experience to stop and go away. If your parents fought with each other and you heard them fighting, you probably wanted them to stop fighting. When that didn’t happen, you developed some strategy to cope with the discomfort. Maybe you used the “Duck and Cover” strategy that one of my clients described. He headed for his room, closed the door, put on his headphones and played music loud enough to drown out their shouting. Or maybe you tried to intervene and got hurt in the process.
When something like this happens, your body remembers the experience, even if your mind has suppressed it. The experience stays in your body as a form of energy. Here is a simple example. Remember back to a time in your life when something painful or scary happened. How does that memory feel? That feeling is the energy left over from that experience.
In most cases, these traumatic experiences show up in one or more of these three ways:
- Personas or Parts
- Limiting Beliefs
Collectively, I think of these as a form of energy block that is keeping your psyche from being free, open and balanced. I use an assortment of tools to help clear energy blocks:
- Helping you release painful energy you are carrying in your body
- Interviewing personas or “voices” that act as autonomous programs running in the background of your psyche
- Change limiting beliefs
- Helping you learn when, where and how to set boundaries
- Helping you step out of your comfort zone
- Helping you become more honest with yourself
Bob Jones is an authentic and real (no bullshit) man
Bob is an authentic and real (no bullshit) man. I have been consistently impressed with Bob’s ability to get right to the heart of the matter and to work with men in a straight forward, honest manner. Bob is able to provide a safe container where all emotions are welcomed and acknowledged. Working with Bob has been transformative.
I highly recommend Bob Jones as a personal coach
I highly recommend Bob Jones as a personal coach, and I’ll tell you why. After all my many years of personal growth work, Bob remains one of the mentors I respect and admire the most. When I met him 12 years ago in a men’s training, his experienced leadership style made such an impact on me that to this day I credit him with inspiring me in my own journey to become a leader.
Pours love into his craft
For anyone looking for a personal coach who has outstanding personal integrity, followed by organization and consistency, look no further. This man takes his word seriously and follows through on his commitments. He is accountable and down to earth, he can relate with you. Bob possesses a treasure trove of knowledge and wisdom that he has gained over the years that can be taught and put into very practical steps.
Bob is very dedicated to this work.
Bob shows up. He is direct and he will push you and listen to you. He has a nice model and he is a good partner. He has done a ton of his own work and has lots of tools to draw on. He is very dedicated to this work.
Bob has an amazing ability to hear people’s input
Bob has an amazing ability to hear people’s input and openly accept even criticisms without reacting. His total lack of reaction to criticism created a space for total trust. Participants who brought up trust issues quickly flipped to opening up in a trusting way, risking the vulnerability to make changes quickly.
The ConneXions workshop offered a wonderful and insightful deep dive into human relationships – what it means to connect and what keeps us from connecting more fully. I left the workshop clearer on what I want from life and how I can go about getting it. I also formed the beginnings of several meaningful relationships with the other participants. Highly recommended!
Bob is a very intuitive person
Bob is a very intuitive person. I have observed him in multiple situations where he counseled men with wisdom and intuition. Over the years, he has learned and used may techniques to help men grow personally and find their mission in life.
Bob listens with his heart
Bob is an active listener. He listens with his heart. He compassionately guides people to feel the depth of their emotions / experience and gently explore the path to an answer, solution, resolution, idea. When needed he can draw on the transformative powers laser sharp, precision cutting questions/ Statements as a way to slash through the bullshit and get to the root, the cause, the source. He is a devoted man to the growth, harmony and connection of others to self, family, community and beyond.
Bob’s elder energy promotes trust and encourages risk
Bob is a man with tremendous energy for communication who can focus on the details while maintaining a broad view. Bob has extensive life experience and is open to new learning and points of view. He is curious and has respectful ways of engagement and processing which allow clients to develop at their own pace while still being challenged. Bob’s elder energy promotes trust and encourages risk.
Bob can be an incredible resource for men seeking to find purpose and connection in life.
I’ve known Bob for several years now and have always been impressed by his depth of knowledge and commitment to connection and personal growth. You can expect his full attention, passion, and energy to help you better understand and work through what might be holding you back in life. Bob is especially knowledgeable and active in the particular issues that often come up for men. He can be an incredible resource for men seeking to better understand and express themselves and to find purpose and connection in life.
Bob Jones listens with compassionate curiosity
Bob Jones listens with compassionate curiosity and then asks thought provoking questions that tend to strip away the BS and gets a man to see and feel for his own truth. In that way, Bob is a guide through the darkness.
Bob has the ability to see through the fog
I have had the pleasure of working with Bob Jones in men’s group work for the past several years. As a facilitator, Bob has a keen awareness and the ability to see through the fog. He is a caring, compassionate no bullshit sage, who helps you to commit to the work at hand.
I feel acknowledged, heard and held in loving presence.
Bob has a grounded presence that makes communicating with him a pleasure. I find myself easily sharing with him. He is able accompany me without judgement. I feel safe and held with his inquiries, like walking and talking with a loving grandfather.
He asks the right questions
Bob is a caring and compassionate individual who is able to safely take a man, through dialogue, to a place where they need to go in respect to seeing barriers and opportunities of personal growth. He asks the right questions which has helped me step up to my power, versus wallowing in my crap.
Master of understanding the dynamics of relationships
I’ve watching Bob facilitate many processes during which someone had a significant “a-ha” moment and they claimed back a huge chunk of their power, choice, and joy. Bob brings a huge depth of caring and sweet fierce curiosity that results in one feeling totally heard, valued, and energized.
Bob exceeds as a coach
If coaches are to be measured by their ability to get others to do the things they don’t want to do, in order to be the people they say they want to be, then Bob exceeds that measure. It’s not about advising, telling, and preaching; what I have received from Bob is a fierce challenge of my choices and an inspiring reawakening to my priorities.
I learned a lot about myself in a short period of time
Working with Bob helped me to rediscover the mature and sovereign parts of me. I felt safe to explore the depths of my subconscious that I had repressed, I learned a lot about myself in a short period of time, and I experienced rapid personal growth. Now I have an improved ability to access the version of myself that I want to embody, where before I only experienced that reality in moments that were fleeting and unpredictable.
I am a changed man
I am a changed man. I no longer carry around the emotional baggage that was holding me back. With previous therapists, the pace of change was glacial, With Bob, I am gob smacked by how much can happen in only 40 minutes!
I trust Bob’s feedback
The ability to consistently give direct, honest feedback while being kind and compassionate is a challenging skill to acquire, and in my opinion Bob has mastered it. I trust Bob’s feedback because he’s committed to continual self-growth. Like a mirror, he reflected some “gold” in me that I had not yet been able to fully acknowledge in myself.
I have always been struck by Bob’s balance
Over the years, I’ve watched Bob’s keen insight and intuition unlock higher potential in others as well. I’ve always been struck by Bob’s balance of being both an intellectual, and living fully from his heart. On top of all that, he just gives me really good advice.
Having him on my “team” has been transformational
I appreciate so many aspects of working with Bob! I always feel his deep caring and support for me, which makes it safe for me to drop in and feel the stuck feelings that I usually resist. This has been tremendously valuable, as it has opened up a log jam and I feel more connected to my creativity – I have been painting every day which has been a life long dream, but I was having trouble getting myself to take action. Bob has a huge heart and has learned so much in his life – having him on my ‘team’ has been transformational.